So you suck at cycling,now what?

Originally Posted by jhuskey

Ok, you have been training for a while now, maybe not as hard as you should have, you always have a few too many brews on the weekend and Ben and Jerry seem to always show up accidentily in your shopping cart .
It is now time for you to do that long group ride and or race. You know that you are going to suck at it but it is too late to drop out now.
Here are a few suggestions.

Show up with several bandages on you arms and legs to simulate injuries, that way others may not expect so much from you but respect that you are not a quitter.
Have someone come by just before start time and announce loudly that your Grandmother has just died.
You can now ride slowly and people will be glad to encourage you and drag your sorry a** till the end.

For you sprinters start an altercation with another rider just before the sprint. You may get a blackeye but at least you will come across as firecracker as opposed to a poser.

Say you are on a climb and you are seeing spots and just about to pass out,
shift gears and pedal backwards. This should drop your chain and give you the chance to recover and also give you a good reason to be dropped. If this is not sufficient, drop your chain again. At this point you have good reason to curse and fling your bike into the weeds.
Now stomp around for a few moments while the feeling comes back to your. legs an head.

If none of this will apply to your lack of ability just wear a jersey soaked with fake sweat and drive to the finish for the celebration party and hope nobody notices you were not in any of the groups otherwise just take up golf and ride around in a cart all day.

Aslo please add any "suck at cycling" suggestion you may think helpful.

Originally Posted by jhuskey

Ok, you have been training for a while now, maybe not as hard as you should have, you always have a few too many brews on the weekend and Ben and Jerry seem to always show up accidentily in your shopping cart .
It is now time for you to do that long group ride and or race. You know that you are going to suck at it but it is too late to drop out now.
Here are a few suggestions.

Show up with several bandages on you arms and legs to simulate injuries, that way others may not expect so much from you but respect that you are not a quitter.
Have someone come by just before start time and announce loudly that your Grandmother has just died.
You can now ride slowly and people will be glad to encourage you and drag your sorry a** till the end.

For you sprinters start an altercation with another rider just before the sprint. You may get a blackeye but at least you will come across as firecracker as opposed to a poser.

Say you are on a climb and you are seeing spots and just about to pass out,
shift gears and pedal backwards. This should drop your chain and give you the chance to recover and also give you a good reason to be dropped. If this is not sufficient, drop your chain again. At this point you have good reason to curse and fling your bike into the weeds.
Now stomp around for a few moments while the feeling comes back to your. legs an head.

If none of this will apply to your lack of ability just wear a jersey soaked with fake sweat and drive to the finish for the celebration party and hope nobody notices you were not in any of the groups otherwise just take up golf and ride around in a cart all day.

Aslo please add any "suck at cycling" suggestion you may think helpful.

Originally Posted by James Bruce Gil

You could do what I did. Start riding at the back of the ladies peleton, eventually find a demanding woman to work you out and arrive home genuinely sweaty after each ride; Which is just about as good as competing fiercely with the men.

Otherwise the only alternative which takes just as much out of you is to travel down the long slow cancer path. I wouldn't that recommend to anybody however.

Just compete with yourself and remember that your getting old.

Kind regards,

Originally Posted by jhuskey

Ok, you have been training for a while now, maybe not as hard as you should have, you always have a few too many brews on the weekend and Ben and Jerry seem to always show up accidentily in your shopping cart .
It is now time for you to do that long group ride and or race. You know that you are going to suck at it but it is too late to drop out now.
Here are a few suggestions.

Show up with several bandages on you arms and legs to simulate injuries, that way others may not expect so much from you but respect that you are not a quitter.
Have someone come by just before start time and announce loudly that your Grandmother has just died.
You can now ride slowly and people will be glad to encourage you and drag your sorry a** till the end.

For you sprinters start an altercation with another rider just before the sprint. You may get a blackeye but at least you will come across as firecracker as opposed to a poser.

Say you are on a climb and you are seeing spots and just about to pass out,
shift gears and pedal backwards. This should drop your chain and give you the chance to recover and also give you a good reason to be dropped. If this is not sufficient, drop your chain again. At this point you have good reason to curse and fling your bike into the weeds.
Now stomp around for a few moments while the feeling comes back to your. legs an head.

If none of this will apply to your lack of ability just wear a jersey soaked with fake sweat and drive to the finish for the celebration party and hope nobody notices you were not in any of the groups otherwise just take up golf and ride around in a cart all day.

Aslo please add any "suck at cycling" suggestion you may think helpful.