pee report, was Yet another race report

SLAVE of THE STATE

> The pee break was so desperate because I had downed a couple liters of
> cytomax and V-8 immediately before the start.

I have a pee story.

Years ago I went to the back of the start lineup for the 35+ 123 run
of the Santa Cruz Crit. Larry H() was back there doing a strange
straddle of a borrowed rig, since he's a mountain biker.

I looked down near Larry's foot and noticed a puddle on the ground. I
wondered what that puddle was from, as it was a very nice and dry
day. I noticed there something dripping off his ankle. I realized he
had figured out how to pee down his leg so he would not miss race
starts.

So I said with a smile and laughing, "What the hell is that?"
alternating my eyes/head between the puddle and the his eyes.

He replied with the blankest expression "What the hell is what?"

I thought that was even funnier and my smile got even bigger: there
was no way in hell he was ever going to admit to anyone that he was
peeing at the start line, with people standing all over the place.

As I stood at the start, drifting off into my imagination as the race
referee went on and on with whatever they say before races, I had
visions of pee rooster tails during the actual race, as riders hit the
little pee puddle. I was going to be watching out for that, for
sure. But the rooster tails never panned out, as it was a nice warm
Spring day, and the pee puddle quickly dispersed and dryed out.

I want to point out that Larry H is a very nice guy, but I just had
never seen that pee technique before, and really, I never saw it
again. I suppose I'll always remember it.

Now if he were pooping, it would have been a different matter and
nothing to laugh about.

> I figured I needed to rehydrate from the morning,
> when I did the 46-mile Masters Fatty event.

It is good to be a pet primate. Plenty of money and time for racing
and training.

How do you like the wheels I bought you?

> I didn't get lapped in that race. In fact, shockingly, I won the field
> sprint for 2nd place. I say shockingly because I was probably the littlest
> guy in the field and had been suffering nasty muscle cramps the final lap.
> (Thus the later indulgence of V-8 and cytomax.)
>
> But even more shocking to me was the physical appearances of the 60-70 guys
> lined up at the start. I had been assured by rbr that everyone in a Masters
> race would be grossly obese (and on beautiful $10,000 bikes). Apparently
> these guys didn't get the memo because most were lean and ripped (and on
> beautiful $10,000 bikes). I was disgusted and disappointed.

The rbr masters fattie obsession is the same as the LANCE LAFFERTY
obsession. Fun, but it is not real.

bjw@mambo.ucolick.org

On May 8, 3:50*pm, SLAVE of THE STATE <gwh...@ti.com> wrote:
> > The pee break was so desperate because I had downed a couple liters of
> > cytomax and V-8 immediately before the start.
>
> I have a pee story.

http://web.archive.org/web/20061125...s.MattisPee.htm

> Years ago I went to the back of the start lineup for the 35+ 123 run
> of the Santa Cruz Crit. *Larry H() was back there doing a strange
> straddle of a borrowed rig, since he's a mountain biker.

The weirdest thing about this whole story is that you
saw Larry on a drop-bar bike.

> > But even more shocking to me was the physical appearances of the 60-70 guys
> > lined up at the start. I had been assured by rbr that everyone in a Masters
> > race would be grossly obese (and on beautiful $10,000 bikes). Apparently
> > these guys didn't get the memo because most were lean and ripped (and on
> > beautiful $10,000 bikes). I was disgusted and disappointed.
>
> The rbr masters fattie obsession is the same as the LANCE LAFFERTY
> obsession. *Fun, but it is not real.

There are people like the prototypical rbr Masters Fattie,
but it is equally common to have Masters Fatties that
have delusions of seriousness like the rbr stereotype
but that can in fact also RIP YOUR LEGS OFF. I think
Kurgan would argue that the delusions are a more
critical part of the stereotype than the actual bodyfat
percentage.

That whole Socal Masters contingent that spends
almost as much time ripping people's legs off as writing
web race reports in the style of a 12 year old hAQQeR
d00d scares me.

Ben

Ryan Cousineau

In article
<48f5b460-8c31-434a-b599-3458ab7d4337@25g2000hsx.googlegroups.com>,
"bjw@mambo.ucolick.org" <bjw@mambo.ucolick.org> wrote:

> On May 8, 3:50*pm, SLAVE of THE STATE <gwh...@ti.com> wrote:
> > > The pee break was so desperate because I had downed a couple liters of
> > > cytomax and V-8 immediately before the start.
> >
> > I have a pee story.
>
> http://web.archive.org/web/20061125...ers.com/legends.
> MattisPee.htm
>
> > Years ago I went to the back of the start lineup for the 35+ 123 run
> > of the Santa Cruz Crit. *Larry H() was back there doing a strange
> > straddle of a borrowed rig, since he's a mountain biker.
>
> The weirdest thing about this whole story is that you
> saw Larry on a drop-bar bike.
>
> > > But even more shocking to me was the physical appearances of the 60-70
> > > guys
> > > lined up at the start. I had been assured by rbr that everyone in a
> > > Masters
> > > race would be grossly obese (and on beautiful $10,000 bikes). Apparently
> > > these guys didn't get the memo because most were lean and ripped (and on
> > > beautiful $10,000 bikes). I was disgusted and disappointed.
> >
> > The rbr masters fattie obsession is the same as the LANCE LAFFERTY
> > obsession. *Fun, but it is not real.
>
> There are people like the prototypical rbr Masters Fattie,
> but it is equally common to have Masters Fatties that
> have delusions of seriousness like the rbr stereotype
> but that can in fact also RIP YOUR LEGS OFF. I think
> Kurgan would argue that the delusions are a more
> critical part of the stereotype than the actual bodyfat
> percentage.
>
> That whole Socal Masters contingent that spends
> almost as much time ripping people's legs off as writing
> web race reports in the style of a 12 year old hAQQeR
> d00d scares me.

That you managed to write this entire post without a reference to
delusional Masters Fattie doping confuses me.

--
Ryan Cousineau rcousine@gmail.com http://www.wiredcola.com/
"In other newsgroups, they killfile trolls."
"In rec.bicycles.racing, we coach them."

Off The Back

SLAVE of THE STATE wrote:
> I thought that was even funnier and my smile got even bigger: there
> was no way in hell he was ever going to admit to anyone that he was
> peeing at the start line, with people standing all over the place.

If you look behind the S/F line of most NRC races, I think you'll see quite
a few puddles. As Dave Towle does 10 minutes of rider introductions and
call-ups, the unwashed masses (i.e., pack-fill) get to drain off that last
bit of fluid, which I suppose is some consolation for starting in the back.

> It is good to be a pet primate. Plenty of money and time for racing
> and training.
>
> How do you like the wheels I bought you?

Yes, thanks Greg. Next I'm hoping for a track bike and a cross bike. Please
keep up the good work.

Mark
http://marcofanelli.blogspot.com

Off The Back

bjw wrote:
> There are people like the prototypical rbr Masters Fattie,
> but it is equally common to have Masters Fatties that
> have delusions of seriousness like the rbr stereotype
> but that can in fact also RIP YOUR LEGS OFF. I think
> Kurgan would argue that the delusions are a more
> critical part of the stereotype than the actual bodyfat
> percentage.

Probably true, but the best stereotype is the guy who has delusions of
seriousness, but is still carrying around 10-20 lbs extra and can't rip your
legs off. Personally, I have no problem with older racers who ride fast and
are serious, although I doubt they have as much fun as somebody who keeps it
all in better perspective, no matter at what level they race.

> That whole Socal Masters contingent that spends
> almost as much time ripping people's legs off as writing
> web race reports in the style of a 12 year old hAQQeR
> d00d scares me.

As a representative of that SoCal Masters contingent, I took offense at this
remark at first, but then I realized it doesn't apply to me because my race
reports are at least the level of a 16-year-old. But I will have to defend
the unnamed and undisputed king of 12-year-old race reports by pointing out
that he has done more for bike racing in recent years than most of us ever
will in a lifetime. His recent efforts include promoting and sponsoring
successful downtown crits in new venues, providing financial support to
up-and-coming racers, and pushing hard for development of multi-use
recreational facilities (inc. cycling).

Mark
http://marcofanelli.blogspot.com

Ryan Cousineau

In article <qQ%Uj.83$3i3.56@newsfe14.phx>,
"Off The Back" <marco_fennelli@yahoo.com> wrote:

> SLAVE of THE STATE wrote:
> > I thought that was even funnier and my smile got even bigger: there
> > was no way in hell he was ever going to admit to anyone that he was
> > peeing at the start line, with people standing all over the place.
>
> If you look behind the S/F line of most NRC races, I think you'll see quite
> a few puddles. As Dave Towle does 10 minutes of rider introductions and
> call-ups, the unwashed masses (i.e., pack-fill) get to drain off that last
> bit of fluid, which I suppose is some consolation for starting in the back.
>
> > It is good to be a pet primate. Plenty of money and time for racing
> > and training.
> >
> > How do you like the wheels I bought you?
>
> Yes, thanks Greg. Next I'm hoping for a track bike and a cross bike. Please
> keep up the good work.
>
> Mark
> http://marcofanelli.blogspot.com

Greg, have you ever considered moving to Canada? The visas or TN waivers
are relatively easy to get in certain specialties, and I could really
use a new mountain bike.

This year, I have been reduced to sullying my hands with commerce in my
spare time to get more funds for my bike habit*, and your assistance
could really make a difference to my lifestyle.

Just $10 a day could make my dreams of a full-suspension XC bike come
true,

*As Frank Lopez says in "Scarface," don't get high on your own supply.
That should apply to bike parts, too.

--
Ryan Cousineau rcousine@gmail.com http://www.wiredcola.com/
"In other newsgroups, they killfile trolls."
"In rec.bicycles.racing, we coach them."

SLAVE of THE STATE

On May 9, 5:48*pm, Ryan Cousineau <rcous...@gmail.com> wrote:
> In article <qQ%Uj.83$3i3...@newsfe14.phx>,
> *"Off The Back" <marco_fenne...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> > SLAVE of THE STATE wrote:
> > > I thought that was even funnier and my smile got even bigger: there
> > > was no way in hell he was ever going to admit to anyone that he was
> > > peeing at the start line, with people standing all over the place.
>
> > If you look behind the S/F line of most NRC races, I think you'll see quite
> > a few puddles. As Dave Towle does 10 minutes of rider introductions and
> > call-ups, the unwashed masses (i.e., pack-fill) get to drain off that last
> > bit of fluid, which I suppose is some consolation for starting in the back.
>
> > > It is good to be a pet primate. *Plenty of money and time for racing
> > > and training.
>
> > > How do you like the wheels I bought you?
>
> > Yes, thanks Greg. Next I'm hoping for a track bike and a cross bike. Please
> > keep up the good work.
>
> > Mark
> >http://marcofanelli.blogspot.com
>
> Greg, have you ever considered moving to Canada? The visas or TN waivers
> are relatively easy to get in certain specialties, and I could really
> use a new mountain bike.
>
> This year, I have been reduced to sullying my hands with commerce in my
> spare time to get more funds for my bike habit*, and your assistance
> could really make a difference to my lifestyle.
>
> Just $10 a day could make my dreams of a full-suspension XC bike come
> true,
>
> *As Frank Lopez says in "Scarface," don't get high on your own supply.
> That should apply to bike parts, too.

With the gloom and doom of Global Warming pressing in, I don't think
it should be too long. Let's schedule a bike drinking tour through
the Canadian Rockies.

Do you think hops will grow in The Yukon? There is a shortage this
year, you know. Beer prices are up.

Michael Press

In article
<a13bbce3-199d-4821-9c53-e999652b9b8e@l64g2000hse.googlegroups.com>,
SLAVE of THE STATE <gwhite@ti.com> wrote:

> On May 9, 5:48*pm, Ryan Cousineau <rcous...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > In article <qQ%Uj.83$3i3...@newsfe14.phx>,
> > *"Off The Back" <marco_fenne...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > SLAVE of THE STATE wrote:
> > > > I thought that was even funnier and my smile got even bigger: there
> > > > was no way in hell he was ever going to admit to anyone that he was
> > > > peeing at the start line, with people standing all over the place.
> >
> > > If you look behind the S/F line of most NRC races, I think you'll see quite
> > > a few puddles. As Dave Towle does 10 minutes of rider introductions and
> > > call-ups, the unwashed masses (i.e., pack-fill) get to drain off that last
> > > bit of fluid, which I suppose is some consolation for starting in the back.
> >
> > > > It is good to be a pet primate. *Plenty of money and time for racing
> > > > and training.
> >
> > > > How do you like the wheels I bought you?
> >
> > > Yes, thanks Greg. Next I'm hoping for a track bike and a cross bike. Please
> > > keep up the good work.
> >
> > > Mark
> > >http://marcofanelli.blogspot.com
> >
> > Greg, have you ever considered moving to Canada? The visas or TN waivers
> > are relatively easy to get in certain specialties, and I could really
> > use a new mountain bike.
> >
> > This year, I have been reduced to sullying my hands with commerce in my
> > spare time to get more funds for my bike habit*, and your assistance
> > could really make a difference to my lifestyle.
> >
> > Just $10 a day could make my dreams of a full-suspension XC bike come
> > true,
> >
> > *As Frank Lopez says in "Scarface," don't get high on your own supply.
> > That should apply to bike parts, too.
>
> With the gloom and doom of Global Warming pressing in, I don't think
> it should be too long. Let's schedule a bike drinking tour through
> the Canadian Rockies.
>
> Do you think hops will grow in The Yukon? There is a shortage this
> year, you know. Beer prices are up.

Almost all USA microbrewery offerings are over-hopped.
What are they hiding? The malted barley is typically excellent.

--
Michael Press

Donald Munro

Ryan Cousineau wrote:
> Just $10 a day could make my dreams of a full-suspension XC bike come
> true,

Real men ride hardtails.

Howard Kveck

In article <4825410c$0$30060$ec3e2dad@news.usenetmonster.com>,
Donald Munro <fat-dumbass@hotmail.com> wrote:

> Ryan Cousineau wrote:
> > Just $10 a day could make my dreams of a full-suspension XC bike come
> > true,
>
> Real men ride hardtails.

What does Kunich ride, then?

--
tanx,
Howard

Whatever happened to
Leon Trotsky?
He got an icepick
That made his ears burn.

remove YOUR SHOES to reply, ok?

Ryan Cousineau

In article <4825410c$0$30060$ec3e2dad@news.usenetmonster.com>,
Donald Munro <fat-dumbass@hotmail.com> wrote:

> Ryan Cousineau wrote:
> > Just $10 a day could make my dreams of a full-suspension XC bike come
> > true,
>
> Real men ride hardtails.

Duuude, I have a late-90s Kona Kilauea (steel, no less) hardtail, Z2
fork with a manly 65 mm of travel.

And thanks to recent trades and gifts, I also have a set of Race Face
turbine cranks (white, no less) to put on there, and I just added a
virtually unused early Kuwahara MTB (Mountech drivetrain!) to the
collection.

Finally, I have been known to ride my CX bike (badly) on local MTB
trails as a perverted form of training.

So I have the hardtail thing covered, 'kay?

--
Ryan Cousineau rcousine@gmail.com http://www.wiredcola.com/
"In other newsgroups, they killfile trolls."
"In rec.bicycles.racing, we coach them."

Ryan Cousineau

In article
<a13bbce3-199d-4821-9c53-e999652b9b8e@l64g2000hse.googlegroups.com>,
SLAVE of THE STATE <gwhite@ti.com> wrote:

> On May 9, 5:48*pm, Ryan Cousineau <rcous...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > In article <qQ%Uj.83$3i3...@newsfe14.phx>,
> > *"Off The Back" <marco_fenne...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > SLAVE of THE STATE wrote:
> > > > I thought that was even funnier and my smile got even bigger: there
> > > > was no way in hell he was ever going to admit to anyone that he was
> > > > peeing at the start line, with people standing all over the place.
> >
> > > If you look behind the S/F line of most NRC races, I think you'll see
> > > quite
> > > a few puddles. As Dave Towle does 10 minutes of rider introductions and
> > > call-ups, the unwashed masses (i.e., pack-fill) get to drain off that
> > > last
> > > bit of fluid, which I suppose is some consolation for starting in the
> > > back.
> >
> > > > It is good to be a pet primate. *Plenty of money and time for racing
> > > > and training.
> >
> > > > How do you like the wheels I bought you?
> >
> > > Yes, thanks Greg. Next I'm hoping for a track bike and a cross bike.
> > > Please
> > > keep up the good work.
> >
> > > Mark
> > >http://marcofanelli.blogspot.com
> >
> > Greg, have you ever considered moving to Canada? The visas or TN waivers
> > are relatively easy to get in certain specialties, and I could really
> > use a new mountain bike.
> >
> > This year, I have been reduced to sullying my hands with commerce in my
> > spare time to get more funds for my bike habit*, and your assistance
> > could really make a difference to my lifestyle.
> >
> > Just $10 a day could make my dreams of a full-suspension XC bike come
> > true,
> >
> > *As Frank Lopez says in "Scarface," don't get high on your own supply.
> > That should apply to bike parts, too.
>
> With the gloom and doom of Global Warming pressing in, I don't think
> it should be too long. Let's schedule a bike drinking tour through
> the Canadian Rockies.
>
> Do you think hops will grow in The Yukon? There is a shortage this
> year, you know. Beer prices are up.

Not yet, but I already posted a pretty extensive report that says the
growing season and arable land in Canada will both increase if the
warmest (don't say worst) Global Warming predictions come true.

BC and Ontario both have a lot of wineries and vineyards. Breweries too,
but I can't speak to where the ingredients come from. I want to do a
by-bike tour of the Okanagan.

--
Ryan Cousineau rcousine@gmail.com http://www.wiredcola.com/
"In other newsgroups, they killfile trolls."
"In rec.bicycles.racing, we coach them."

Robert Chung

On May 10, 9:07 am, Ryan Cousineau <rcous...@gmail.com> wrote:

> Not yet, but I already posted a pretty extensive report that says the
> growing season and arable land in Canada will both increase if the
> warmest (don't say worst) Global Warming predictions come true.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7390109.stm

Howard Kveck

In article <69f47818-a787-49b5-b4b8-15ecf4851cfc@j33g2000pri.googlegroups.com>,
Robert Chung <rechung@gmail.com> wrote:

> On May 10, 9:07 am, Ryan Cousineau <rcous...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > Not yet, but I already posted a pretty extensive report that says the
> > growing season and arable land in Canada will both increase if the
> > warmest (don't say worst) Global Warming predictions come true.
>
> http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7390109.stm

Talk about an article that doesn't live up to its headline.

--
tanx,
Howard

Whatever happened to
Leon Trotsky?
He got an icepick
That made his ears burn.

remove YOUR SHOES to reply, ok?