Excersice lazy spouse

zaskar

my gf of 12 years hates to do anything that raises her
heart beat. over the years shes put on wieght and
continues to and she thinks the anserw is in a pill bottle.
i bought her a bike she put about 15 miles on it, i bought
her a indoor cycle used it 3 times, anyone here have same
problem with there spouse how do you turn them around
this is getting very hard to deal with. ive told her how i feel
in a very supportive way being careful not to put her down.
this is getting hard to deal with, its getting to point of i hate
to see her eat anyone here have any suggestions? thanks.

GabrielS

Dump her for a more slender, in tone woman and say you are tired of her laziness and her being unhealthy. You do not want to be with a woman that is slowly working her way to HEART DISEASE and EARLY DEATH.

MIND YOUR LANGUAGE!

Edited by Vo2

Brunswick_kate

Let me guess, Gabe, you're single.

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Nicko71

Mouse Potato

Since sex raises the heart beat, I truly feel sorry for you!

Well. I've never been an exercise-hater, exactly, but for most of my life my nick was pretty accurate. Over the last 3 years I've worked up to spending 2-3 hours exercising almost every day (at least 1 hour a day, and 4-5 hours a day on weekends when I can fit it in to my schedule). My turnaround was self-motivated, but I think there's hope for your GF yet!

Have you tried doing some kind of gentle exercise together (nope, not talking about sex any more! ), maybe going places where there are lots of things to see, but where there's lots of walking to do to see those things? It takes reasonable dedication to exercise alone, particularly when starting out, and if an exercise-hater can get exercise without noticing it that's probably a good thing. (For example, I spent 3 weeks in the States a few years ago, never ate so much in my life, didn't do any formal exercise at all, but spent many hours most days "exploring", i.e. being nosey and touristy; I'd dropped about 3kg by the end of it.)

How about trying other activities that are less exercise-like? I know a few people who use dancing as a form of exercise (can't stand it myself , but each to their own).

Don't try to make her stick to just one form of exercise. Do different things. It's more interesting.

If you can manage it, have a variety of exercise stuff easily accessible around the home. If one has to go out to a gym or something it's too easy to just not bother. If she's less than svelte she might feel more comfortable exercising in private than in public too.

That's all I can think of for the moment... Good luck to you both!

Brunswick_kate

Ok -- tough question and no easy answers....but some points to ponder.

1. What is the extent of the weight problem? Is it a health problem or is it a fashion problem? There's a big difference. Not all women are meant to look like runway fashion models and not all of us will ever be able to squeeze our a55 into a size 2 dress. Even at my "fighting fit" weight, I've got T and I've got A and no amount of diet/exercise is going to turn me into Calista Flockhart. And that's fine with me. I like having curves. What I don't like is when my weight exceeds just a fashion issue and moves into the health region -- now that's a reason to buckle down and get moving.

2. Assuming at this point that it's a health issue, you should know that being overweight is not physically easy. There's a vicious do-loop going on here...it hurts to exercise and it's exhausting (not exhilerating) and so people don't exercise, which packs on the pounds which makes exercising more painful and .... you get the drift here. Put a 50 lb bag of flour on your back and carry it all day and see if you feel like going for a run at the end of the day. The point is this can be a hard cycle to break because being overweight has its own physical demands on joints and energy levels.

3. Cycling might not be her thing. Or not her thing yet. When I started back on the road to physical activity, I didn't start with cycling. I started out with twice weekly deep water aquacise at the local pool. No impact on my joints and no feeling all hot and sweaty and the water supported my weight. Not a brilliant start but it got me moving and I got all the joys of exercise without any of the aches and pains that went with it. It was enough to break the vicious cycle of (2).

4. Pills? What pills? Depending on what they are (amphethimines?), this could be more than just an exercise problem. This could be a drug addiction.

5. Weight, body image, self-esteem, public acceptance, sexuality, all of this gets mixed up into one huge caldron of stinking mess. I love these people who make pronouncements that it's so easy to lose weight -- just eat less than you're expending. Obviously advice from those who've never dealt with the problem. The mechanics of the statement are true enough but ignoring some of the other issues that go with being overweight is foolish. There's this little voice in my head that keeps saying "Who are you kidding? You're too fat, too old, too whatever, to be doing this. You look silly on a bike. You're too fat to be caught dead in cycling shorts...." This is an internal message that can kill our motivation and enthusiasm. Now I've never had anybody actually say these things to me. In fact, the fit crowd have been very encouraging when they've seen this fat 40 year old out getting some physical exercise. But in my head, when I'm feeling down, I think they're laughing at my efforts. This just cruxifies my self-confidence and it's something I really have to work at overcoming.

6. Finally, and this is the hard one, no one can do this for her. You can't make someone stop smoking or doing drugs or drinking alcohol or overeating. They have to come to that decision on their own. In fact, the more a loved one natters about it (even if it's done kindly), the more resistant the behaviour can become. The point is that your girlfriend has to want this for herself -- not to make you happy, not to make a doctor happy, but to make her happy. And about all you can do is that when the motivation strikes her and she's decided that this is something she needs to do, you can be there to help deal with points 1-5 above.

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zaskar

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Mouse Potato
Since sex raises the heart beat, I truly feel sorry for you!

Well. I've never been an exercise-hater, exactly, but for most of my life my nick was pretty accurate. Over the last 3 years I've worked up to spending 2-3 hours exercising almost every day (at least 1 hour a day, and 4-5 hours a day on weekends when I can fit it in to my schedule). My turnaround was self-motivated, but I think there's hope for your GF yet!

lol sex is the only thing that raises hert beat for her, we do go
places that requiers walking but its not enough we are only
able to do this on weekends. we also have wieghts and other
excersice things i have bought that she suggested and
they just collect dust, i hope theres hope thanks for your help.

zaskar

#1 her wieght is a health problem! #2 good point and i understand.
#5 good point! #4no pills like that she hasnt used any in like 8
months cuz they didnt work.

#6 nail on head, i cant figure out why she wont do it she wants
to she just joined some online thing jenny craig thing but she
just wont go for it fully, her friends have even tryed to motovate her and excersice with her but after a few sessions it all over with.

we have 3 kids, i love her shes a good person and i wanna be
with her, but this is taking a toll ive been patient i guess theres
nothing i can do until she wants it. everday leaving crosses my mind, i think its selfish of her not to look after her health being
we have kids, and her mom died @ 45 of a heart attack!!
and also shes only 32 and now on high blood pressure meds!!

thanks for your help.

tencast

My wife of 15 years have been through this and similar issues. We talk alot and trust each other so often it makes it easier for us to say the things that hurt.

When my wife was putting on weight and becoming less sexually attractive to me I talked to her about it. i told her I loved her and she is my best friend but my sexual desire for her just wasn't there. I am a visually stimulized man and if what I see isn't stimulating I cannot be blamed for this as it is my nature. I do not belittle or say hatful things I just tell the truth. This works for us. She was not a big fan of getting out and doing much either but I've always been active. I told her I wanted to spend time with her and I wanted her to come experience the adventures I have. It took (and still takes) some coaxing but it has been worth it. She is now getting to the place where she will ride without me and run and play sand volleyball. She now has a social life apart from me and I find this sexxy as hell. I tell her that too. She now comes home and tells me stories about her adventures. It's pretty cool.

Talk to her and tell her how you really feel but do it sincerely.

Good luck,

Tencast--

Sidi

I had to erase what i wrote because you do not want to hear it.
You have put up with her for 12 years what is a few more years and a few bypasses gonna do for ya?You love this woman wether she is 350 lbs or 180 lbs so just deal with it. Look past it or put it to her once and for all.

zaskar

sounds like very good way to go about it, i never told her how i truly feel about her wieght because i didnt want to hurt her feelings, i just suggest ways to lose the fat ill tell her about my
issues thank you.

zaskar

thanks SIDI, if she had been over weight the whole
12 years i would have no beef but its been over the past
5 yrs the weight has been gained. yes and wether shes
350 or 180 i still love her am i attracted to her? no thats
the problem not to mention health.

Memphmann

Give her two choices, either you or her weight. If she cares as much about you as you care for her, then she'll lose the weight. She seems to only care about herself and gains weight.

Or you could take her places with lots of hot females and drool over them. This embarassment might be the kick in the arse that she needs..

Or you could dump her ever widening arse and be happy with someone else.....

Memph

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Memphmann

Why because he does not care for fat females. Why is this a touchy issue for you????

Memph

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