An embarrassing job

Guest

It’s the first day of school in Houston and the teacher thought she’d get to know her kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.

The first little girl says: “My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.”

The next little boy says: “I’m Andy and my dad is a mechanic.”

Then one little boy says: “My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men.”

The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject.  Later in the schoolyard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was true that his dad dances nude in a gay bar. He blushed and said, “I’m sorry, but my dad is really an auditor for Arthur Andersen and I was just too embarrassed to say so.”

;D ;D ;D

Guest

;D ;D ;D very good Chris_L. How about this one:

An elderly man goes to the doctor's for a physical.
The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, ''Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?''

And the man says, ''Oh me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond, he's good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.''

Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished.

He called the man's wife and said, ''I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?''

And she says, ''That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!''
;D ;D ;D

Guest

I like that one.   ;D

Guest

I found this joke on a local Message board and just loved it. ;D

A couple were on their honeymoon bed, about ready to consummate their marriage. The new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not really a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "I know, but I've only been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

"But I am in love with you, and I want you to make love to me" the wife whispers seductively into her husbands ear. He meets her passion and desire and, when they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm really hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

"Now what are you doing?" She asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to call room service to get something to eat." "Tiger still wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Mr. Tiger Woods do now?" he asks with an edge to his voice. "He'd come back to bed and do it again." she says throwing back the covers.

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to the bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's absolutely exhausted. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service again?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this damn hole!"