New element found

Originally Posted by Sillyoldtwit

Characteristics of New Element Revealed "Bushchronium" Exhibits Odd, but Not Unexpected,Properties

WASINGTON ,DC - The January issue of the Journal of Atomic Physics, released today, describes many of the physico-chemical characteristics of the densest element known to science. The new element, named "Bushcronium" and given the symbol "W,"emerged from a highly controversial finding made in 2000. In today's article,scientists at the Ptolemaic National Laboratory in Florida reveal that it has one neutron, 12assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons,giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons (sometimes known as theons). Curiously, the researchers have been unable to achieve an accurate count of electrons in Bushcronium.



It is a major mystery why Bushcronium has no protons. One emerging theory holds that Bushcronium is a product of intelligent design, but its proponents reluctantly admit that they cannot explain the powerful presence of morons. A more likely alternative may lie in tantalizing sightings of a wholly new subatomic particle, tentatively labeled the neoton, which, though yet to be fully identified and characterized, seems to annihilate protons. The researchers suggest that the observed protean debt will weigh heavily on the future as Bushcronium inevitably decays.



Investigators verified an earlier prediction that Bushcronium's mass would actually increase over time as its morons randomly interact with subatomic particles of other elements,generating more assistant deputy neutrons in the unstable Bushcronium atom, and thereby forming various isodopes. A well-known Cheney reaction, this behavior of moron-promotion leads scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain concentration, or "critical morass"(investigators admit this maybe a shot in the dark). When catalyzed with money,Bushcronium decays to Foxnewsium, an element that radiates huge quantities of energy, with 99.999% of it dissipated as heat and only a vanishingly small amount as light. This has been shown to be due to the fact that Foxnewsium has half as many peons (theons) as Bushcronium, but twice as many morons.

To date, Bushcronium has been shown to be non-reactive, perhaps totally inert, and is apparently of utterly no constructive use to mankind. Nevertheless, there is heated fundamental research under way in the Departments of Alchemy at both Oral Roberts University and Jerry Falwell's Liberty University to determine if Bushcroniumcan be transmuted into gold or oil. Tyson