Christophe Brandt Positive For Orgasm Pill

Richard Longwoo

Lamballe, France (11-July-2004) In a survey conducted by the
UCI Food and Gun Administration, or the European Bureau Of
Alcohol, Tobacco, Food, Guns,

become the first rider to test positive during the Tour de
France for the newly invented Orgasm Pill.

According to Brandt, a Belgian lab rat for Gruppo de
Methadone Labs, who recently discovered that a tab of
methodone a day prevents heart attacks, said, "Uhh, what was
the question again?" He then went on to tell us the story
about how he accidentally discovered that a tab of methodone
a day prevents heart attacks.

According to a survey conducted by Brandt Survey Company,
only 50% of the peloton are interested in taking the Orgasm
Pill. However, Brandt, president of AAA Survey Company, said
the UCI results were utterly bogus and

on the industry. "Sure," Brandt said, "There are people in
the peloton who don't wanna take the Orgasm Pill, just like
there are people who still get there cycling news from RBR,
but it all depends on how you ask the question. In our
survey, we found that 98% of the people questioned, said
they would have absolutely no qualms whatsoever about
telling their exact clone to take the Orgasm Pill if, in
fact, their exact clone had to ride around in the

to take the Orgasm Pill, even if it didn't have to ride
around in the

Brandt insisted he had always raced clean. "I have never
faked an orgasm," he said, "now I want to prove that I did
not take the Orgasm Pill because I did not do it. I want
to get back on the bike, because having orgasms on my bike
is my life."

Brandt's team-mate Rik Verbrugghe expressed surprise at the
positive test. "No one understands the situation," he said.
"This is not a product that

One of Lotto-Domo's directeurs sportif, Hendrik Redant,
said, "This is very serious. We are all very surprised,
especially with that product. Christophe has never had an
orgasm problem. We now will wait for the counter-test."

Brandt returned a positive test for the Orgasm Pill from a
UCI control on Monday July 5th. But in a late breaking
development, in a private meeting which followed the
conference, representatives of AAA Survey Company, ABC
Survey Company, and Christophe Brandt's Survey and Methodone
Company, apparently made concessions on a formal resolution
which would declare at least a temporary moratorium in the
current impasse over the status of an impartial panel which
will ultimately adjudicate the question of whether or not
any issues may have been, however slightly, misconstrued by
the previous

prior situation was.