Cyclingforums.com: Best All-time Quotes/Posts/Threads

Since 2001, over 90,000 cyclist's have joined Cycling Forums to discuss topics from general cycling to equipment, training, racing and travel or vacation destinations (especially in europe during the tour de france). We also feature an great deals in our online store, 100's of articles, classifieds and product reviews.

Found that priceless post on the Paceline's forum. It's under the "TOC" thread in their "Racing Pro Tour" sub-directory.

Rollo wrote a follow-up post that was less angry but very good. It completely sums up how I feel.

They are circling the wagons and threatening to bring out their "red hand". I am trying not to think about why their hand is red, perhaps they should leave it in their "pockets".

It is just so far over the top. I almost posted a reply but figured I really do not want to try to discuss something with a group that want to stay blind to reality.

Found that priceless post on the Paceline's forum. It's under the "TOC" thread in their "Racing Pro Tour" sub-directory.

Rollo wrote a follow-up post that was less angry but very good. It completely sums up how I feel.

They are circling the wagons and threatening to bring out their "red hand". I am trying not to think about why their hand is red, perhaps they should leave it in their "pockets".

It is just so far over the top. I almost posted a reply but figured I really do not want to try to discuss something with a group that want to stay blind to reality.
red hand = commie dictators disguised as far right nationalist fascists.

who said the far right and far left have more in common than without.

On the other hand, I don't think you'll answer, because there is no answer for the gratuitous viciousness of an invasion of trolls from one forum to another.

LOL. Apparently we are a vicious invasion of trolls. I never saw anything that crossed into viciousness.
I can't get this phrase out of my mind...it's so good. Come on, Bro...I know you can come up with some sort of movie treatment for this... Either that or it could be a good name for some kind of punk band. I guess that's TFF's department.

I think it reminds me of that guy in Repo Man saying..."pernicious nonsense..."

I can't get this phrase out of my mind...it's so good. Come on, Bro...I know you can come up with some sort of movie treatment for this... Either that or it could be a good name for some kind of punk band. I guess that's TFF's department.
It sounds like a horror film.

These things usually start like this: In a small mountain town, two teenagers cut the locks off an old mine to go exploring. Deep in the mine they spot the glint of what looks like gold embedded in a wall. Using an old, dusty pick that was found on the floor, one of them digs at the wall. The wall falls apart, revealing a dark passage. Suddenly shadoy shapes pour out of the new passage and the teenagers start screaming before the camera cuts away.

Meanwhile the town is preparing for the annual Fall Leaf Days, which draws tourists from the whole state and beyond. The mayor does not want anything to interfere with the celebration, a financial boon for the struggling town. He orders the strapping sheriff, Tom Brickland, to play down the teenagers disappearance. They probably ran away to the big city.

Ever since two local kids disappeared, livestock and pets have been disappearing. Usually it is chickens and dogs, but recently it has become even more serious. Old man McAussie's emu farm has been hit hard with three of his ugly birds vanishing and his trusty dog found torn up next to the emu corral. The sheriff is called in to investigate.

It sounds like a horror film.

These things usually start like this: In a small mountain town, two teenagers cut the locks off an old mine to go exploring. Deep in the mine they spot the glint of what looks like gold embedded in a wall. Using an old, dusty pick that was found on the floor, one of them digs at the wall. The wall falls apart, revealing a dark passage. Suddenly shadoy shapes pour out of the new passage and the teenagers start screaming before the camera cuts away.

Meanwhile the town is preparing for the annual Fall Leaf Days, which draws tourists from the whole state and beyond. The mayor does not want anything to interfere with the celebration, a financial boon for the struggling town. He orders the strapping sheriff, Tom Brickland, to play down the teenagers disappearance. They probably ran away to the big city.

Ever since two local kids disappeared, livestock and pets have been disappearing. Usually it is chickens and dogs, but recently it has become even more serious. Old man McAussie's emu farm has been hit hard with three of his ugly birds vanishing and his trusty dog found torn up next to the emu corral. The sheriff is called in to investigate.
What the sherrif finds is horrific. Not only has the dog been killed, but it looks like everything but the spine and head have been eaten; in fact, the right femur has bite marks, big bite marks. Tom looks concerned as he is approached by his C cup sized deputy, Lorena Ticksley. Lorena gasps as she arrives at the scene, and asks Tom, her former boyfriend, "what the hell happened."

There is a noise in the woods, Tom looks up and sees nothing. He turns back to Lorena and McAussie and says "I just can't make heads nor tails of it. What could do such a thing?"

What the sherrif finds is horrific. Not only has the dog been killed, but it looks like everything but the spine and head have been eaten; in fact, the right femur has bite marks, big bite marks. Tom looks concerned as he is approached by his C cup sized deputy, Lorena Ticksley. Lorena gasps as she arrives at the scene, and asks Tom, her former boyfriend, "what the hell happened."

There is a noise in the woods, Tom looks up and sees nothing. He turns back to Lorena and McAussie and says "I just can't make heads nor tails of it. What could do such a thing?"Lorena, sqatting down, calls out from some 10 yards away. Tom and McAussie approach her. Lorena ponts to an imprint in the mud, about a foot and a half long and human-like in shape, yet totally inhuman. There are only three toes, with large claw impressions in the front. There is a stony silence. Tom murmurs... "Well whatever it is, it's big". McAussie notices another print about four feet away. Tom's flashlight illuminates it... there is blood and remnant body parts in the quagmire. This print is even bigger than the other one. They look at each other with collective realization. Tom slowly drawls "There's more than one"...

Lorena, sqatting down, calls out from some 10 yards away. Tom and McAussie approach her. Lorena ponts to an imprint in the mud, about a foot and a half long and human-like in shape, yet totally inhuman. There are only three toes, with large claw impressions in the front. There is a stony silence. Tom murmurs... "Well whatever it is, it's big". McAussie notices another print about four feet away. Tom's flashlight illuminates it... there is blood and remnant body parts in the quagmire. This print is even bigger than the other one. They look at each other with collective realization. Tom slowly drawls "There's more than one"...
The sheriff collects the remains, tells McAussie and Lorena to stay indoors at night, then heads back to town. He calls up the mayor and suggests that they might have to cancel Fall Leaf Days. The mayor is upset and says, "There is no way we are going to cancel the celebration for a few dead emus. Most americans don't even know what the hell an emu is."

The sheriff talks the problem over with the dispatcher, an indian gal whose family has lived in the region for centuries. She suggests the sheriff gets her grandfather to examine the remains. Her grandfather is an expert hunter and an authority on indian lore.

The sheriff collects the remains, tells McAussie and Lorena to stay indoors at night, then heads back to town. He calls up the mayor and suggests that they might have to cancel Fall Leaf Days. The mayor is upset and says, "There is no way we are going to cancel the celebration for a few dead emus. Most americans don't even know what the hell an emu is."

The sheriff talks the problem over with the dispatcher, an indian gal whose family has lived in the region for centuries. She suggests the sheriff gets her grandfather to examine the remains. Her grandfather is an expert hunter and an authority on indian lore.Steven Running Horse is a large man, and the wrinkles on his face speak of years of suffering and the retention of wisdom. He pulls up in his 1972 Ford pick-up, and gets out of the truck and strides over to Tom in 2 steps it seems to the sheriff. For a man of his age, he is still strong and agile. He wears a 45 automatic he brought back from Korea, and Tom wouldn't think of telling him to stop wearing it.

"Tom"
"Mr. Steven"

"Well, what do we have here Tom?"

"I have never seen anything like it Chief"

"You know I don't like to be called 'Chief' Tom, Steven will do."

Steven Running Horse is a large man, and the wrinkles on his face speak of years of suffering and the retention of wisdom. He pulls up in his 1972 Ford pick-up, and gets out of the truck and strides over to Tom in 2 steps it seems to the sheriff. For a man of his age, he is still strong and agile. He wears a 45 automatic he brought back from Korea, and Tom wouldn't think of telling him to stop wearing it.

"Tom"
"Mr. Steven"

"Well, what do we have here Tom?"

"I have never seen anything like it Chief"

"You know I don't like to be called 'Chief' Tom, Steven will do."
Running Horse is visibly shaken as he looks at the bloody remains. He backs away and clutches an amulet that he has worn around his neck for as long as Tom can remember. He mutters something under his breath that Tom can't catch then says, "This is what I feared. The ancient enemy has returned."

"Ancient enemy?" Tom asks.

"Yes, not seen for thousands of years since the world was covered with ice and the we hunted the big animals, " the chief explains. "Those big animals are now gone, just pictures on the rock walls of canyons; but we remember. The stories have been passed down from man to child for thousands of years. The enemy burrowed into the ground as the ice receded, and now they have returned."

The chief quickly grabs the dispatcher by the hand. "Come on, Little Feather." The two start for the door.

"What are you doing?" the sheriff asks.

"I'm doing what any red blooded, meat eating indian with an ounce of sense would do, "the chied shouts. "I'm hauling ass out of here."

"But your people have been here for centuries. You can't leave your ancient lands," implores the sheriff.

"This place may not be our tribal lands at all. I think they may be in the next county. Or maybe the county after that." The chief pushes Little Feather into his truck then climbs in himself.

The engine roars to life, and the sheriff yells over the din, "What is it? What are we facing here?"

As he drives off, the chief shouts back, "Trolls."

Running Horse is visibly shaken as he looks at the bloody remains. He backs away and clutches an amulet that he has worn around his neck for as long as Tom can remember. He mutters something under his breath that Tom can't catch then says, "This is what I feared. The ancient enemy has returned."

"Ancient enemy?" Tom asks.

"Yes, not seen for thousands of years since the world was covered with ice and the we hunted the big animals, " the chief explains. "Those big animals are now gone, just pictures on the rock walls of canyons; but we remember. The stories have been passed down from man to child for thousands of years. The enemy burrowed into the ground as the ice receded, and now they have returned."

The chief quickly grabs the dispatcher by the hand. "Come on, Little Feather." The two start for the door.

"What are you doing?" the sheriff asks.

"I'm doing what any red blooded, meat eating indian with an ounce of sense would do, "the chied shouts. "I'm hauling ass out of here."

"But your people have been here for centuries. You can't leave your ancient lands," implores the sheriff.

"This place may not be our tribal lands at all. I think they may be in the next county. Or maybe the county after that." The chief pushes Little Feather into his truck then climbs in himself.

The engine roars to life, and the sheriff yells over the din, "What is it? What are we facing here?"

As he drives off, the chief shouts back, "Trolls."
ROFL...you never disappoint...

Running Horse is visibly shaken as he looks at the bloody remains. He backs away and clutches an amulet that he has worn around his neck for as long as Tom can remember. He mutters something under his breath that Tom can't catch then says, "This is what I feared. The ancient enemy has returned."

"Ancient enemy?" Tom asks.

"Yes, not seen for thousands of years since the world was covered with ice and the we hunted the big animals, " the chief explains. "Those big animals are now gone, just pictures on the rock walls of canyons; but we remember. The stories have been passed down from man to child for thousands of years. The enemy burrowed into the ground as the ice receded, and now they have returned."

The chief quickly grabs the dispatcher by the hand. "Come on, Little Feather." The two start for the door.

"What are you doing?" the sheriff asks.

"I'm doing what any red blooded, meat eating indian with an ounce of sense would do, "the chied shouts. "I'm hauling ass out of here."

"But your people have been here for centuries. You can't leave your ancient lands," implores the sheriff.

"This place may not be our tribal lands at all. I think they may be in the next county. Or maybe the county after that." The chief pushes Little Feather into his truck then climbs in himself.

The engine roars to life, and the sheriff yells over the din, "What is it? What are we facing here?"

As he drives off, the chief shouts back, "Trolls."The sheriff calls the Mayor. Mayor Conley is a big man accustomed to getting his way. The town elected him in a landslide some eight years ago... but times have changed. There are rumors going around that he has had an affair with his young assistant, Monica Lewdski. People are still supporting him, but the rumors are growing as the new election approaches.

"Mayor Conley... it's definitely not bears, Chief Running Horse has identified the killers as Trolls".

"Tom... are you fucking nuts??? The Fall Leaf Days Parade is this weekend and you're telling me that there are a bunch of trolls eating some overgrown poultry? Surely you don't think I'm going to call it off for that piece of shit story?

"Sir... I think you have to call it off to protect the people of this town and all the tourists flocking in this weekend."

"You're not getting it Tom... what I meant was you must be nuts to think that there are 'trolls' out there"

"Mayor...I would have thought it highly unlikely as well... until Chief Running Horse told us that there used to be monster trolls in these lands before the last ice age... and somehow the receding ice has let them escape... It's now credible I believe... and we have to evacuate the town"

"Well Tom... I don't give a damn about Chief Running Water's cock and bull Aesop's Fables story.... I don't think I'm even going to evacuate the "edus" or "emos" or whatever you call those dumb things McAussie breeds."

Meanwhile, in another part of town, Tiffany and Jessica make their way to the hot tub...

Meanwhile, in another part of town, Tiffany and Jessica make their way to the hot tub...
***not part of the story, but LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL***

"Watch your step, all of the baby oil makes things dangerous"

"Baby oil?"

"It softens the skin"

"well, I guess if you say so"

"Why have we never hung out before Jessica?"

"Well, I am a private kind of girl, and....well, now that your boyfriend Rollo has gone missing, I figured you need someone to talk to"

"Wow, this is warm, but you are right, my skin feel wonderful"

"Yes, it does.."

<something moving quickly between the bushes>

"Hey, what the hell was that"

<cat jumps out of the bush and girls scream>

"Wow, that cat stinks T"

"Wait, there is something else in there"

***not part of the story, but LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL***

"Watch your step, all of the baby oil makes things dangerous"

"Baby oil?"

"It softens the skin"

"well, I guess if you say so"

"Why have we never hung out before Jessica?"

"Well, I am a private kind of girl, and....well, now that your boyfriend Rollo has gone missing, I figured you need someone to talk to"

"Wow, this is warm, but you are right, my skin feel wonderful"

"Yes, it does.."

<something moving quickly between the bushes>

"Hey, what the hell was that"

<cat jumps out of the bush and girls scream>

"Wow, that cat stinks T"

"Wait, there is something else in there"*** Whadda ya mean not part of the story? This is when it gets interesting... ;) ***


"No Tiffany... you're just scared because this is your first time with another girl"

"No... I heard something big moving out there" [Tiffany turns off the hot tub bubbles and jets... the scene goes still and quiet]

[After a pause, there is a sound in the bushes and a thump. The glassy water surface breaks into a circular ripple moving outwards from the center]

*** Whadda ya mean not part of the story? This is when it gets interesting... ;) ***


"No Tiffany... you're just scared because this is your first time with another girl"

"No... I heard something big moving out there" [Tiffany turns off the hot tub bubbles and jets... the scene goes still and quiet]

[After a pause, there is a sound in the bushes and a thump. The glassy water surface breaks into a circular ripple moving outwards from the center]
No, I meant my LOL's

*** Whadda ya mean not part of the story? This is when it gets interesting... ;) ***


"No Tiffany... you're just scared because this is your first time with another girl"

"No... I heard something big moving out there" [Tiffany turns off the hot tub bubbles and jets... the scene goes still and quiet]

[After a pause, there is a sound in the bushes and a thump. The glassy water surface breaks into a circular ripple moving outwards from the center]
<blood begins to fill the water, and a hairy sphere floats to the surface of the hot tub>

"holy shit, that is a head, that is Rollo's fucking head!"

<blood begins to fill the water, and a hairy sphere floats to the surface of the hot tub>

"holy shit, that is a head, that is Rollo's fucking head!"<The girls scream>

"Oh my God... Rollo!!!"

"How did the blood just start coming out now, if his head was here before we came?"

"I don't know... It's bizarre... Maybe a membrane was retaining the blood and it burst just now from the heat"

<The camera goes jerky as the girls look up in pale white-faced screams of terror. The next shot is beneath the water as thrashing limbs and turbulence swathe through the pinkening water. The sounds of bones crushing in a huge vice precede a quietening of the cries. The underwater camera picks up a huge foot entering the hot tub on the far side. It is hairless and monster-like. It steps out of the tub and out of the camera shot from beneath the surface. The camera stays underwater as the reddened water settles... a severed section of hand comprising two fingers floats down from top to bottom of screen close to the lens.>

<The girls scream>

"Oh my God... Rollo"

"How did the blood just start coming out now, if his head was here before we came?"

"I don't know... It's bizarre... Maybe a membrane was retaining the blood and it burst just now from the heat"

<The camera goes jerky as the girls look up in pale white-faced screams of terror. The next shot is beneath the water as thrashing limbs and turbulence swathe through the pinkening water. The sounds of bones crushing in a huge vice precede a quietening of the cries. The underwater camera picks up a huge foot entering the hot tub on the far side. It is hairless and monster-like. It steps out of the tub and out of the camera shot from beneath the surface. The camera stays underwater as the reddened water settles... a severed section of hand comprising two fingers floats down from top to bottom of screen close to the lens.>
<sidebar, the head was thrown into the tub from the bush by the troll..at least in my movie>

<sidebar, the head was thrown into the tub from the bush by the troll..at least in my movie>Ahh...that makes sense, sorry... just disregard that rediculous dialogue by the girls then... http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/ashamed/ashamed0003.gif (http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/ashamed-smilies/#)

Maybe we need some more sub-plots. We have the Mayor's re-election and his attempts to bury the rumors of Monica. Hey... her name sounds like Monica Lewinsky. That's totally coincidental. :rolleyes: Tom is the obvious hero. But he is a little too much Mr. Goody Two-shoes. He could be the stereotypical slovenly cop hero whose life is in a complete mess and he loses his Sheriff's badge (to a Kevin Bacon style snake - like his character in "A Few Good Men") while fighting for the cause. But I think the hero could be Lorena. Jody Foster - Silence of the Lambs - type character. Lorena could be the mayor's daughter... which brings her into conflict with her father... and her morals of what is right.

Where is Bro?... He's the movie expert who started this epic of the horror movie genre.

Meanwhile back at the sheriff's office, Tom opens the weapons locker. The door to the office swings open and in walks deputy Jackson, a lanky black man who handles the county's minor cases. He notices what Tom is doing and asks, "What's up, Brick?"

"Help me out, Jack. Grab everything that kills." The sheriff then fills Jackson in on what he knows as the two of them load ammunition into their guns.

"We have to get out the the McAussie farm," the sheriff tells his deputy. "Lorena is out there helping old man McAussie patch up his fences."

"I gotta be honest here, Tom, " the Jackson says. "I'm am leery of going out there. These situations often work out for you white folks, but it always seems like the one black man is the first one to get it."

"Be positive, Jack. With the fitness and healthy eating sweeping the country, it's us white meat mofos who should be worried."

"Tell that to the emus," Jackson retorts.

They finish collecting their weapons. The sheriff tells his deputy, "It's time to cowboy up. Let's go." They leave the building, fill the back seat of the sheriff's partol car with extra guns and ammo, then head out to McAussie's farm.